Tinder Success – For Men

Hello World,

How many of you tried your luck on the infamous dating App Tinder? Almost all of you! When you first get Tinder it’s great, right?! I mean look at the countless number of people on this simple user platform! There is approximately 50 Million users on this app  and in that 50 million there has to be at least ONE for you, right?! 1.4 billion swipes are made daily on Tinder, 2.6 million matches per day! All these statistics must mean you are being counted in those numbers correct?! No, not for all. Some people get little to no matches on these Dating apps.

Tinder Facts:

Why does Tinder get 100 million downloads per day? Well first according to Men, it’s a great ego boosting game. Second, it saves time. We love anything and everything that saves us a bit of time in our lives, our Microwave, Amazon, Uber, you name it! Tinder saves a great deal of time and increases your options and chances. Although, some of you romantics  would still like to go sit in a bar every single day just waiting for that special someone to appear, but let’s just talk on a realistic note. There are about 79% millennial surfing Tinder and we don’t have time and we like our options!

Men on most dating sites don’t receive half the number matches/response woman do. It’s because most men view Tinder as a numbers game. Study show men to use words such as “game” and “play” to describe the app. They swipe on anyone and everyone to check how many matches they can get. Some use it just for a part time ego boost per match. Woman tend to put a little more effort and emotion in creating the profile and filtering out their matches.  It’s a Tinder strategy for some, swipe on as many as you like then filter out who to respond to from your matches. Despite all these strategies and techniques some of you still don’t get matches.

First Impression is your Last Impression

What is the first thing a person swiping see on Tinder that should grab their immediate attention? Correct! your Photo. Your first introduction is your picture. Quality, space, posture, attitude of your picture matters!  I am not speaking for all woman but stats show woman like more of a masculine profile. You should have at least four pictures that show variety of who you are. If you have a really good LinkedIn picture, upload it right now! These pictures don’t have to be professional and you don’t have to look like a model but candid shots are more liked. A candid moment works is because yo are caught showing your real  emotions and truth be told woman are full of emotions. Don’t take pictures that cover your eyes! Eye contact and facing straight at the camera shows confidence. Don’t pose! Guys, please no Selfies! And don’t forget, you can smile!

Some say yes animal pictures and some say no animal picture! Let me tell you the answer, if you have a dog then yes, if you have a bird then no! It’s not because I dislike birds, it’s because you will be limiting your options if you do choose to go the latter route. It’s all about creating a connection. You have to put up things that are relatable. Dogs are more masculine, whether big or small. Birds not so much. Having a dog picture up will show her that you have an emotional side to you along with a responsible side, plus dogs are super cute!

I can only say people are very, very easy to judge.  I can’t stress enough, no kid pictures! No nieces, no nephews! Only you! The setting of your shots are also important. No bedroom pictures! No mirror pictures! Get someone else to help you take the pictures. No Vegas, partying picture! By the way, I know a lot of you think your body is amazing and therefore there should be at least that one shirtless picture, NO! you get only 3% percent swipes when you upload a shirtless picture.

Next up, your biography! Again, focus on saving the other persons time! No one will read an essay. Keep it short and simple and end with  something the person can respond to, “I love traveling, but you have to ask me about my adventures at Punta Cana”. Show a bit of your personality in your biography, keep it fun and laid back.

The fun and laid back personalities are the most appreciated. No doesn’t mean you become so laid back that you stop caring. Also doesn’t mean you become so stuck that she loses interest. There has to be a balance. You show that you are easy going, non-judgemental and accepting. Plus you are fun to be around! Law of attraction suggest and as shallow as it might sound, first thing a man looks for in a woman are looks, beauty, body, etc. Woman on the other hand, look at your ability to provide, security, money, then important, important and important they assess to see how funny you are.

To get higher response rate on your messages don’t be boring! Remember when I said girls get tons of messages, they have tons of options to filter from. How will you stand out of all of them? Don’t make it that generic copy and paste where you just change the girls name for every match. Don’t just say hi! Pick up something she wrote from her biography and message her with something fun and original. Don’t make it explicit and sexual. Listen, even the girls who are just looking for hook ups don’t like to feel objectified. Keep it respectful.

If all that doesn’t help then contact me in the navigation bar on the right. I am full of good positive advices.

Thank you,

DLA

 

 

 

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Suppressing Emotions

Hello World,

We all have secrets! Deep dark secrets! But who else did you share it with? Why doesn’t someone close know? Why haven’t you able to share this information? Hmm let’s see, maybe you are afraid of being inadequate and vulnerable. Perhaps afraid of being judged. You think if the feelings, the emotions and the secrets some how surface you might not fit the societal “norms”. You feel people won’t understand. You feel by keeping the emotions closed within you might make things right for the other person and keep them at peace. However, this is what you are missing, it’s shortening your life expectancy bit by bit everyday when you keep your emotions supressed.

Bottling your emotions…

Everyone deals and copes with emotions differently. If a person has faced trauma such as rape, death in the family, etc. It’s okay to not revisit those memories.  But if the emotions are building up then express how you are feeling, vent and let them out. There is no need to revisit and describe the what happened, what caused the traumatic situation. However, your current emotions need to be out in the open to the universe and you need to be heard.

Some of you had a really unpleasant, unfortunate past and or living situation. Most people who suppress emotions had a bad childhood, faced dysfunctional family situation. They saw separation and emotional imbalance between their parents when they were growing up. They wanted all the love and all the affection. Every kid wants that! However, when asking is not enough to receive any form of affection, they learn to suppress emotion. That becomes their, “normal”. The mentality: expressing doesn’t change anything, so why share or maybe expressing makes things worse, then why share?!

Some people are really good at putting up a wall and pushing people away because they are afraid of receiving hurt and or hurting due to their past experiences. They feel vulnerable when someone get’s really close to their emotions. They feel as how society see’s vulnerability as, a sign of weakness. Some people like to always focus on happier distractions to avoid the fact of suppressing a negative emotion. They would like to forget. But it’s always thee just building up!

All feelings cannot be shared at the heat of the moment. I get you can’t just go in and yell at your boss to tell them that you work for a stupid idiot! Yes, that would be quite awesome though due to certain consequences it’s just not realistic. However, that shouldn’t stop you from expressing your thoughts. This should not be the reason why you just go with the flow. Get a grip on your emotions, be strong! Phrase what you are thinking correctly, then share the information with the that person over a one and one chat or  via email. You’re thoughts matter! When you are suppressing your emotions just to please the other person the relationship is NOT sustainable. This will be the reason why you are unhappy inside. It will slowly kill you both mentally and physically.

Life Expectancy…

The more you keep in the more you are dying! Statistics show 35% of youth die due to not sharing their emotions. Also suppression leads to 47% heat diseases and 70% percent increase in Cancer cells.  Suppression of emotions is the lead cause of low immune system. It causes your arteries to harden, stiffen joints and also weaken your bones. Suppression of emotions is a form of negative energy that you are building up every day. You are taking away positives and replacing it with negative within you.

How to fight it?

Share! Talk! Speak! No one will judge you! Yes, we know you can fight your own battles all by yourself but doesn’t have to be that way! Sharing is not taking your battle away from you. You will feel a lot lighter if you share. It will help you clear your path for the battle and make it some what smoother. It will make things better. Despite popular belief, vulnerability  is NOT a sign of weakness. To avoid long term hurt don’t keep things in! You have to realize hurt is enviable. There is nothing you can do to avoid that. Let the other person know of your true feelings. Be honest! If you forecast issues, communicate and talk about it in advance. Let’s make the relationship a healthier one rather than a toxic one.

Now, some people feel that the only way to let feelings out and coping is by speaking to someone! NO! Find your release. Go gym, go to a swimming class, go to a paining class, go sing, go travel, go on an adventure, read etc. Remember, you don’t ever have to describe your hard past, just have to let your current emotions out so the weight lifts off. Don’t add extra weight!

If you ever need to speak about suppression, emotions, hard past, relationship, parenting, how to cope with certain situations, career, business or just anything you can always message me! My contact information is on the side navigator.

Thanks,

DLA

 

 

Intimidation equals Low Self Esteem

Hello World,

When was the last time you were at place where there was someone very intimidating? Someone who was over powering the room with their presence and confidence. But  have you ever self assessed why you were intimidated? Why your legs were shaking and you thought you can’t possibly approach them? Perhaps because you felt like you couldn’t speak to their knowledge. You don’t belong at the same space as them. They way look and carry themselves and the aura they bring overrides the surroundings. Maybe you thought they will judge your criticize you for your what you lack.

You Don’t Belong!

Yes you do! You are just insecure. When ever we walk into our bosses office we are insecure of their superiority. We are afraid of the police because they have authority and control. Have you ever thought of all the questions you would want to ask a celebrity whom you idolize? But I wonder if you would ever ask them if your idol was stuck in the same elevator together. Probably not, because they have a lot more than you such as, fame, money, confidence, and attitude. Did you ever attempt to tell your high school crush you liked them? Or maybe they were too cool to approach or you didn’t know if they would accept you.

Don’t Grant Permission…

I am sure you feel since you are the one insecure you are egoless and the other person is the one with the ego. But insecurity is tied to ego as well as arrogance. When you are with someone superior, you feel and look up to them in a certain way which diminishes your confidence. You give permission to be intimidated when they are clearly not. You have to realize, if you are in a room full of authorities, you are there because you belong. You earned it. You might not have the same credentials as them but you earned your spot.  You just need to work on your confidence and social skills. To build confidence and social skills you should get out of your comfort zone and start speaking to different people with different backgrounds and personalities. Confidence is always tagged with knowledge hence, read, read, read, write, write, write!

Know your Value…  

You don’t have to fit in! You don’t have to be someone else so they don’t judge you. Know your value. We usually start comparing ourselves with the one we are intimidated of. We start thinking of our short falls against their achievements. But you have value, you are just afraid of not receiving acceptance. When we get rejected, we feel low but why is that? Because we know we have Value!

Learn to be yourself, own your own experiences! Stop being afraid of being judged. Remember these intimidating people need to eat, sleep and breathe to survive just like you! They are not different from you. Stop thinking you don’t belong in the same space as them. Approach everyone with love and care. Fix your posture and stand tall!

Remember, you don’t have to give up your power by thinking you don’t have any!

Thanks,

Dla

 

 

 

Master Negotiation

Hello World,

Do you recall the last time you negotiated and what the outcome was? I am sure you thought of a moment of confrontation with someone. When you hear the word negotiation, you subconsciously start to think of competition between you and the second party. However, that’s not the case! Negotiation is reaching an agreement that is moderately satisfactory for both parties.

How does that work?    

Good question! How does that work? I mean, I want this deal but the other party is definitely not agreeing with anything I am proposing! There are three forms of negotiation, Hard (Aggressive), Soft (Passive) and Principled (Assertive). Aggressive is when you shout, yell, confront, make the other person look bad and do anything to get the deal. Passive, you yield, and come off a bit unconfident. Best practiced is Assertive, you focus on interest and not the position.

Assertive negotiation creates a Win-Win situation for both parties. To create a Win-Win situation you need to define the purpose of the negotiation. Why do you need the negotiation? What purpose will it solve? After we have an answer, let’s assess if our proposal is realistic. Remember you don’t want the proposal to be turned down! Then comes thorough research on the topic of proposal and the party we are negotiating with. Trust me, you are only calling for failure if you are not confident! The only way to gain confidence is by acquiring knowledge about your product and the client! Yes, I know I say this way too often but one more time, PRACTICE! Run through the negotiation points, presentation, slides, speech, numerous times. Now don’t get the wrong idea, you are not there to prove the other side wrong or look desperate for the deal but practicing will boost your confidence and give you an edge when negotiating.

Know what your clients interests are and what they want out of the deal. Always do a Scenario analysis and figure out alternative plans for the proposal. This way if the second party counter offers you are not sitting there blank. Don’t read off the paper! Emphasis on confidence is major! If you are not assertive then you are giving the other party leverage. Keep a poker face, which means even if you are franticly in need of the deal, don’t show it! Be honest about the information you provide and be yourself.

FACT: UK businesses lose estimated $9 million per hour due to poor negotiation

Communication! The most important out of all the information shared; you need to be a good communicator to be a good negotiator. Practice and learn this skill, it’s needed in leadership, business and in your day to day life. You need to focus on pitch and tone of voice, speech, body language and most and foremost be a good listener. In negotiation, no foul words please! Don’t let the emotions get the best of you when things are not going your way. Remember, who ever gets angry first loses as the other person has leverage. Be calm and patient, listen and show respect. How you dress at the meeting has a lot to do with communication as well. It tells the second party how serious you are about the proposal.

You are not competing against the second party, hence you have to compromise. Don’t throw a tantrum, you won’t always get everything. Negotiation is neutralizing conflict, resolving and ensuring mutual gains. Don’t be in a hurry to close the deal. Show patience and buy time from the second party. Inaction, as in buying time will give you more time to think of an alternative counter offer.

RADPAC

The method of negotiating as follows:

Rapport – Share good vibes! Build a relationship. In business, you are negotiating a deal not just for one time gain but for a prospect client!

Analysis – Understand/Research your product and the second parties interest

Debate – The main part of negotiation is the discussion. Stay calm and composed. Don’t assume, the clients can’t read your mind. Be clear about the proposal.

Propose – Propose the best idea to reach the best possible conclusion

Close – Closing the deal. Contracts to be carried out in presence of both parties.

There are many types of negotiations: Day to Day negotiation: flow of work, the negotiation we have with ourselves, our family, our friends, our dogs. Negotiation with a superior, team, Commercial Negotiation, Legal Negotiation. The negotiating conditions of sale, lease, service delivery, etc. Hence sometimes negotiation can get complicated. A lot of businesses use third parties for instance, Lawyers, subcontractors, project managers, etc. as negotiators for deals. This way they  remain positive in front of the client.

Happy Negotiating!

Dla

 

A Portfolio Management Approach To Life

Hello World,

Are you an investor? I am! But there is always a hesitation that has to tag along with investing, correct?! Yes, you are not alone, I know many people who choose not to invest because they are afraid to take that risk. Risk of losing it all! A lot of you would rather live a monotonous life due to the uncertainty of the outcome. However, the ones that take calculative risk are a bit ahead of you today. They are a ahead of you a bit more by wealth, knowledge, awareness, and or confidence.

Asset Class…

Asset classes are securities that make up your portfolio such as equities, stock, bonds, fixed incomes, cash equivalents or money market instruments. Life has it’s own asset classes, Health, Knowledge and Wealth. These are the life long securities that you need to progress and invest in.

Portfolio Management assess the Investment Objective of your situation in order to find the correct securities to build your portfolio. Investment Objectives that come into play for instance; Current liquidity and Net worth, Time Horizons, Income Level, Expense Level, Charitable contributions, Restrictions/Security Selection. Similarly in life you have to assess your objectives to advance in your goals. Intermarkent Analysis, is used to analyze the stocks, bonds, and commodities. Likewise we need is to review the strength and weaknesses of our life securities. Are you Healthy? Are you advancing in your career? No and No? Then why not? Those are the questions we need to ask.

Asset Allocation…  

No one wants to lose! That’s why in Modern Portfolio Theory we need Diversification in our portfolio. That way we have mix assets which balances any loss from one or more securities in our portfolio. To learn more about your personalities and traits you need diversification in your life. if you don’t try new things and explore in life then your perspective, outlook, and options are limited.

There are many methods of Portfolio management, one of which is Rebalancing, this method allows your portfolio to return to it’s original target allocation at annual intervals. This means you sell high priced, low value securities and buy low priced, high value securities. Scenario Analysis helps to work out if the security will be affected by unexpected circumstances. These are all ways of Risk Aversion, low risk portfolio. That’s all you need in life, calculated risks, which will push you a little towards learning and progress. For example, you would like to become a CIO Consultant at a reputed IT Consulting Firm. The only thing in your way is a Professional Designation. It’s a risk to earn the Designation because it will be time consuming studying for and what if you don’t get your desired position. Take that Risk! Not only does the Designation gives you an competitive edge over others and open up more opportunities but also teaches you something new.

Aggressive…

A conservative portfolio looks like, 20% funds, 20% Stocks, 50% fixed income and 30% short term money market. There is also Aggressive management, where the portfolio looks something like equities 85%, fixed income/cash 15%. In the Aggressive approach, the return is high but also the risk is more. Aggressive risk is for people with high liquid and net worth or who has more years in their Time Horizon. In Portfolio Management you can choose a Discretionary Investment Management, this is when a Portfolio Manager takes over and makes the decisions for you. You don’t quite have that option in life. If you are not a high risk taker then start by taking smaller risks towards your life goals. Build your confidence. Invest in becoming healthier. Invest in education. Try new things. All this in return will build your wealth.

Thanks,

Dla

 

 

Incorporating Agile and Lean into your daily life

Hello World,

How many of you are in IT Project Management and use Agile methodologies in software development life cycle? Doesn’t matter! If you think about it we all  use Agile in our daily lives (without making it complex of course). If you feel you don’t then let’s start! Incorporating this practice in your daily routine will be a guide towards self improvement and short term achievements which will lead to a sense of satisfaction.

Agile?

What is Agile? Your ability to move quickly and easily. But moving too quickly can actually limit your ability to move effortlessly.  Waterfall methodology suggests to complete your goal sequentially. In SDLC the sequence would be as follows, gather requirements; design, code; perform system testing; perform user acceptance testing (UAT); fix bugs and deliver the finish product. The biggest draw back of this method, once you reached the end product you don’t really know if it will be successful and accepted by customers. If you don’t have a success story to share, then you would have to go back and re-start the sequence once again! In other words, you moved quickly but not efficiently and not easily because you are having to go back.

Now to prevent this sort of disruption Agile kicks in! There is only one main  difference between Agile and Waterfall methodology. In Agile, you adapt to change by customer feedbacks as the software is being developed. You run on a Minimum Viable Product (MVP) or an existing product and improve it as the customer is using it and responding to what to keep and change.

Agile is the process of measuring, learning, feedback and loop. Agile reduces the risk, increases value, adapts while work in progress, and provides better cost management. Agile has it’s backlog in order, there is a clear visibility of what is completed to date. The backlog requirements are sorted by priority. This means the requirements don’t have to be completed in sequence like the Waterfall method and are completed in order of importance. This way the product can be released whenever acceptable rather than waiting on a feature to be ready. User feedback supports with the understanding of where changes are required or when to Pivot. A change is needed when each experiment leads to loss of progress. Since the project is being adapted as user feedback, there is no need to dispose the entire project when there is a negative feedback. This makes Agile more cost efficient.

Real life?

Now in life to lose weight quickly, you would have to give up chocolate, pizza, oil, salt, sugar and carbs. If you go on such a diet, you know you would reach your results quickly. But once you have reached your outcome, you then realize you are not happy! You reached an outcome by overlooking the side effects. Now you are unhealthy, have vitamin deficiency and missing bunch of essential nutrients which is leaving dark spots on your face (often happens in modelling!).

But if you were more Agile, you pick up your sticky notes and run to the whiteboard! You are on search mode without commitment. You would find a diet plan that works for you and read cases where the diet has worked and didn’t work. Also, don’t forget to find the side effects of these plans! Then call up a nutritionist and a personal trainer.

Yes, you will be the Scrum Master and run Sprint meetings with your trainer and nutritionist. You will clarify your requirements with them and specify what you are looking to achieve, being more healthy, losing weight, gaining weight, toning, etc. Your trainer and nutritionist will help you find a proper diet plan and workout plan. You, the trainer and nutritionist will break down the workout and meal plan into parts/iterations. You will set an estimated time of completion on each iteration goals. Set an estimated budget on the following, trainer/nutritionist fees, gym membership cost, and for cost all these healthy fruits and vegetables from Wholefoods.

With each Sprint meeting, you, your trainer and nutritionist will measure your progress and the time it took to get to your goal. This will calculate the Velocity, and you will know how long it’s taking you to complete these goals. Now since, you can’t have a Burndown chart in this example, track your progress everyday. There are many apps such as Lifesum, which tracks your daily meals and workout. If along this whole process you feel this diet plan is just not working for you then Pivot and or search mode again, find another diet plan.

We do this in relationship and in our career as well. We don’t commit on our first date! We keep dating without commitment and experiment and learn about the person. We make mind notes of what the Pros and Cons are until we see that person is a potential. If the person is not a fit in our life then we go on search mode again. Same with our careers, if we hate where we work, we seek guidance and mentors. We plan. Then we educated ourselves in training and skills that will get us a better opportunity to where we want to be. Then we search.

Remember, you just have to measure, learn, review and repeat…

Thanks,

DLA

 

 

Importance of Customer Service

Hello World,

Have you ever received bad customer service and felt, No way, I am never going back there again?! I have and I am positive every person reading right now can relate to at least one instance of bad customer service. What do you do as a customer at this point; give them benefit of the doubt, stay quiet, never return or perhaps write a bad review? If you are any one like me, you do all latter three options! You remember the half-hearted service that was once provided and choose to go elsewhere with better service.

Customers are Core to any Business…

Customer service is often under-valued in many start-ups and businesses. A study by U.S. Small Business Administration claims 68% of customers leave because they are unhappy with the treatment they received. Most of us who own and operate businesses understand how valuable customer satisfaction actually is. A business failing to provide customer satisfaction is preventing itself from future growth and expansion. An unsatisfied customer reacts in various ways, they keep quiet and replace you with your competitor, complain, spread negative review and write a bad review on social media. All of which are terrible publicity of your business. For instance, it is shown 96% of these customers will remain silent and walk over to your fellow competitor for their specialties and each negative word of mouth will earn you 26 extra unhappy customers. This means you are losing revenue because it’s cheaper to retain customers then acquire new ones.

Happy customers…

I know your business is your baby, but your business not unique! Anyone who has a business has at least one competitor. Happy customer rule number 1 – Find a Point of Differentiation. For example, Apple fans are loyal because they value the quality of the product. Add value to your service and product such as quality or additional features which distinguishes the business from its competitor. This can be easily achieved by training customer service or the sales representatives to be more engaging with the client as they build a relationship. First impression is the last impression, the reps are the face of the company as they are the ones to interact with the client directly. Customer service reps should have in depth knowledge about the product. They should have the pleasant personality and guess what, being funny always works! Thorough training on communication and client relationship will help the reps become more confident and in turn this will build client’s trust.

Happy customer rule number 2 – focus on Retention. Do you want your customers to come back over and over? Treat your existing customers, offer them with promotions, discounts and credit. Blog your products, send them emails and newsletters. Tell them they are valued and show them how much you saved them at the end of the year by giving away freebies, promotions or discounts.

Happy customer rule number 3 –Word of mouth. This is an important one, some businesses run solely based on word of mouth to build brand awareness. Remember, 1 unsatisfied customer equals 26 unsatisfied customer just by word of mouth. As good customer service appeals to new customers, word of mouth will raise your network of clients. Grow your exposure, make sure your business has a Website, Facekbook page, Instagram, Snapchat, Tweeter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Youtube, Google+ and any other social media they can use to easily ask you a question.

Happy customer rule number 3 –Track your customer behavior/Track customer service performance. No don’t follow them home! To have a point of differentiation you have to stay one step ahead of your competitors. To do that you need feedback from your customers, this is called Benchmarking. Give your customers a little survey and a feedback to complete after a phone call or by email. Statistics show, 60% of customers don’t like phone calls and 75% prefer text or email. This will help you evaluate where your competitors are doing well and you need improvement.

Calculate the churn rate, in other words the turnover rate of your clients. To calculate churn rate: number of clients lost / number of clients in the beginning of the month = % percentage. This will help you determine your growth potential as a company and also tell you if you will get a return on your marketing cost.

Monitor your customer service team’s performance and provide them quality training. Many businesses make a mistake of treating their customer service team as a complete different department. The back end workers does not want to have anything to do with the front line. Let’s change our perspective, the whole company is in customer service. If you are providing a back end software upgrade for a customer’s product, you are providing customer service. Perhaps you are applying for a mortgage approval, then the mortgage broker sends the paper work to the banks Documentation department and the Credits department who are in line is serving you as a customer. Therefore, a smooth transition in process will give you a faster result and make you happy.

Good customer service reduces problems. So let’s make everyone a happy customer…

Thank you,

DLA

Addiction – Are you in denial?

Hello World,

Habit Vs. Addiction

 Do you think addiction is a choice or can people choose to be addicted? What causes addiction? How come some people are more prone to get addicted then others? Most smokers argue that they are not addicted and they can stop whenever if they choose to quit. However, if they do attempt quitting they would most likely fail. It takes more than just motivation and will power to quit something addictive. Habit is something you choose to do and can resign from whenever but having a cigarette daily is definitely not a habit.

Addiction is recognized as a chronic disease, same as cancer and heart diseases. You don’t choose to have cancer and or a kidney failure. Same with addiction, it chooses you! Sure the first smoke, the first few glasses of alcohol, the first game of poker and the first sniff of drug is all you, you made that choice and decision! Though, as you continue you start craving these things, not by choice, but because your body demands it. If you are addicted, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain which results in mental, physical and behavioral changes.

No Control…

Addiction is when we have no control over our mind and behavior due to a substance or a behavior. You can be an impulsive shopper, impulsive gambler, addicted to video games, food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc.  Addiction occurs to people to due to many reasons. Often it’s said that addiction is due to genetics, FALSE! It can happen to anyone! Usually the reasons are depression, sadness, loneliness, violence, sexual/mental abuse, trauma, influence and an environment surrounded by that substance. For example, if the environment you are in such as work, school or home has drugs in the background then you might be influenced in to using it.

Low Dopamine and Serotonin

Addiction is a coping method for depression. Dopamine is neurotransmitter which controls the reward and pleasure area of your brain. It also controls movement in our body, if we are low in dopamine then we are at risk of getting Parkinson’s disease. Serotonin is a chemical that helps balance your mood. Low Serotonin triggers depression. Low Serotonin also can makes us turn quite suicidal. 

Alcohol, smoking, gaming, gambling, drugs, shopping, and any impulsive behavior provides a short term high. People use these to get away from sadness and despair. They think that it’s giving them happiness and eliminating distress. However, they forget alcohol and drugs are anti-depressant. These substances will provide the short term pleasure of fogginess and they will make you forget for a slight period of time. But then it will all come back making you more depressed, asking for more substance to get rid of it once again.

Alcohol, drug, gambling, sex etc. increases your dopamine, so does eating chocolate and winning the lottery. But in addiction, your body becomes greedy and asks for more and more increase of dopamine. When you consume too much the body adapts and confuses your coping method and wants more of the increased pleasure.

Will Power…

Will power isn’t enough! Remember it’s a chronic disease. If you know someone who is addicted then the first step is making them admit they have an addiction. Most people are in denial because of the stigma that addiction has. They know it’s unhealthy but still continue because they can’t stop. The best way to help these people is by helping them admit they have a problem. Then finding a good rehab center. To recover from addiction, people need supervised medical monitoring. Getting Nicotine, won’t help, it’s just replacing cigarettes to increase your dopamine some other way.

Keep it Healthy!

Dla

 

 

 

Dissatisfaction – Good or Bad?

Hello World,

We all go through it! We go through dissatisfaction numerous times throughout the day. Monday mornings are the worst, right?! If we could get 5 more minutes in Bed! We are all dissatisfied of rolling out of our amazing, comfy, cozy, warm bed and head out for that dreadful work. At lunch, we feel dissatisfaction if the first bite of our food does not taste great. Let’s not even mention the rush hour when we are headed home from work, the weather traffic, the rush, let’s just say it takes a while to get home! Even when we are fast asleep at night, we can be dissatisfied with a discomforting position, we have to alter it right away to get back to our good night sleep. These are conditions we don’t pay a lot of attention to. But dissatisfaction arises in many ranges; the ones we tend to focus on more are larger dissatisfaction if life related to Health, Finance, Relationship and Work.

Chasing Happiness…

Why am I not satisfied? What will make me satisfied? Money, fame, success, goals, the end destination perhaps? The answer is No. You will not be satisfied no matter what height you reach. Yes, money will make you comfortable. The attention you receive from fame will give you a short term high. Reaching your success and goals will bring up the question of what is next?! This is a great question, we are never completely satisfied because we always want to grow and progress.

We are always chasing the, What’s Next? This gives us a greater cause of fulfillment. When things feel stagnant in your life, you are forced to make a change. We set keep setting targets one after the other to reach new altitudes and attain short term satisfactions in our life. Maybe you are stuck at a work where the pay is low, you are over qualified for the position and there is no room for creativity, hence no room for growth. The work environment and people are toxic. What should your next step be? Working towards a change of course!

Now some of people can’t make that change very easily. Mostly because of lack of motivation. But I get it, you have responsibilities. You have a family to take care of and expenses. But you can start to work towards the change, even if it’s a small change. If you are dissatisfied with work, you can get education and coaching to upgrade your skillset to apply for better opportunities. Look for the, what is next? If you are dissatisfied with your appearance then let’s work on a meal plan and fix the diet. Let’s research a workout routine and start working for it.

But sometimes life is just a Beep! We just have unexpected life circumstances that unable us from pursuing our set targets, oh you know, good old family and health issues etc. That means it’s time to pick up a hobby you love, trust me this will help! If one part of your life is full of stress and you balance it out with something you love doing then this will assist the mind and body to release stress and toxins (so would exercise! Hint, Hint). Don’t let negativity build up.

Don’t be Pessimist…

Dissatisfaction is amazing, as it shows you where you don’t want to be and pushes you for growth. But what about the people who are constantly complaining and are doing nothing to change that? Yes, we all know one of those friends who’s constantly complain about what is missing in their life but they would never take a step to alter that situation. Why are they so pessimistic? Because, in today’s day and age we are taught to focus on tomorrow more than today. We are taught, to gain happiness we have to reach the destination and forget about the journey that leads up to it. We are taught unhealthy competition; jealousy over someone who is making more than you. We are taught materialism. Happiness equals to more money and things, more and more things, right?! Wrong! Happiness is not what is happening around you but what is happening inside you. You need to forecast the future but be mindful of the present. Being more aware at this very moment will help you gain a different optimistic perspective. You will learn to become more content with your life and at the same time have the motivation to pursue and push for your goals. Focus on the smaller things in life, you are not aware but those bring you the most happiness. Focus on the journey, it’s important.

Everyone has their own battles and you need to focus on yours. Do not compare yourself with others. Use others as examples of where you want to be and what you want to achieve. Learn from their mistakes and use them as a guide and a mentor. Don’t use them as an excuse to complain about what you lack in life. Complaining slows you down, you are not gaining anything by complaining but sympathy by complaining. Plus you should be authentic, you don’t have to wish to live another person’s “great” life, you can have your own great life and be satisfied.

Let’s utilize our dissatisfaction and not let it go to waste!

Thanks,

Dla

Self Doubt – JUST DO IT!

Hello World,

Past Experiences…

Self doubt stems from what we have learnt about ourselves in the past. What parents tried teaching us when we were growing up always plays a part in our lives one way or the other today. Parents want to be a guide for the best of our future however sometime that very guidance may inflict our present self doubt. As you were younger, you may have been told NOT to pursue to choose a certain path in the future because of the following; you can’t be a fire fighter or a cop that is too dangerous! You can’t pursue to become an artist or writer, you won’t make any money! Don’t waste your time on Medical school, you are just not smart enough!

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero

Too dangerous, not enough money/security and you are just not good enough! These thoughts are manipulative. They come back when we are rejected from something we wanted to achieve. These negative thoughts even stop us from pursuing life goals we want to accomplish because we doubt being adequate. We always want to be a perfect fit, if we don’t fit then we are judged.

We think we are not good enough to live the life we dreamt. Many job seekers, doubt their capabilities and don’t apply to the position they are a perfect match for. Self-doubt prevents us from many opportunities that come our way. It’s always there holding us back. It tells you to live life in the social norm and as a mediocre. But this way of thinking is toxic. How do you know you are not good enough, if you don’t try?!

When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

If you have been rejected, and are letting go of other prospects because you still feel that you aren’t adequate, STOP! Give yourself a bit of time and then assess why you are feeling self doubt. If you feel you are not good at a skill, then let’s put in work to attain that skill. You can’t pass opportunities just because you failed once or twice, remember positive affirmation; Risk – Is it Scarier taking a Risk or Not taking One? … If you are not good at something now, doesn’t mean you won’t get better at it in the future. A kid who is not good at math, doesn’t mean won’t be good later on in time if they have determination.

What you tell yourself is important! If you tell yourself that you won’t make it then you won’t! I believe you, because that’s what you believe. You are setting yourself for failure just by that negativity. But if you think positive, and say, okay well I failed this time but I will learn and get better then that will change things. You are as good as what you believe, so let’s get working!

The Judgemental losers…

They don’t exist in a large number! Yes, they are a few of these judgemental losers who would look at you and say, hmm why are you doing what you are doing! These people are only saying that since they can’t get themselves to pursue their own dreams and they have a lot of time on their hand. Stop worrying about these people! Most people don’t care! They have their own lives to worry about, their own dreams, aspiration, career goals and stress. They are more worried about how to start their day, that month end deadline at work, coming home and cooking dinner and spending time with their loved ones.

Set an example for these people, if they are judging, let them do it! Prove them wrong! You will be more appreciated for trying and trying then to sit back and live the same boring life as everyone else.

How to over come Self -Doubt…

  1. Fix your mindset – You got rejected? So is he, and so is she…we all have. But we don’t give up!
  2. Positive affirmation – You Are MORE than good enough!
  3. When you are feeling self doubt, unwind a bit! Give yourself time to relax and enjoy some quality time. This will give you some to get your thoughts aligned again.
  4. Evaluate why you are feeling self doubt – why do you feel you are not good enough and what can you do to become good?
  5. Write it down! Where is your Journal? Write down, why you are feeling self doubt and the positives steps you will be taking.
  6. Read Motivational articles – You need motivation and their are plenty of people who felt and been where you are. Read how they over came self doubt.
  7. You don’t have to do it alone! Find family and friends to talk about your self doubts. Most of the time we over evaluate and exaggerate the situation in our mind. Our loved ones can bring things back to perspective for us. Don’t worry, they will not judge you!

Remember, you are amazing…

Thank you,

DLA