Stagnant – Stuck – Anxiety – What it Takes to Improve Your Situation

Hello World,

What does it really take to look past your “stuck” situation right now? It takes experience of going through it a couple of times and then saying, okay I take ownership of my situation!

Acceptance is our keyword for today’s topic. It takes acceptances to move on or keep moving from any tough situation. It’s all perspective at the end of the day. You can see your current situation as glass half full or glass half empty. As in you can make your situation bad or worst.

I get it though, when you are in the situation where the entire environment is super negative, it’s hard to think positively. Mainly when anything you do leads to none of your goals. You start putting yourself down and telling yourself that you are just not good enough!

Yes, I go through that too! When there is too much pressure of work or let’s say I just take on too much to prove I am “good enough”… perfect example of jumbling my thoughts, and taking on too much than I can chew. That’s when anxiety hits.

What to do in those situations? Accept… accept that it will all end one day, and just like the person next to you, there will be an end to you. That means, there is no reason to hold on to these negative thoughts, all you can do is keep pushing and moving forward. Your situation will change eventually if you put in the work to make those small changes.

We make a mistake of always focussing on the end goal! However, life is simple. It’s about making smaller changes in your life to get those end results.

For example, I see a software engineer or a product manager making a certain amount of money and living an easy lifestyle. I can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hope that I am a software engineer / product manager. I need to make those changes / put in sacrifices to get to that level to achieve that lifestyle. There will be many road blocks! Many, many, many road blocks — the main point is, take breaks, but don’t stop!

You don’t see results right away, at least I haven’t but, 10 years later, you will look back and think that struggle was required!

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Addiction – Are you in denial?

Hello World,

Habit Vs. Addiction

 Do you think addiction is a choice or can people choose to be addicted? What causes addiction? How come some people are more prone to get addicted then others? Most smokers argue that they are not addicted and they can stop whenever if they choose to quit. However, if they do attempt quitting they would most likely fail. It takes more than just motivation and will power to quit something addictive. Habit is something you choose to do and can resign from whenever but having a cigarette daily is definitely not a habit.

Addiction is recognized as a chronic disease, same as cancer and heart diseases. You don’t choose to have cancer and or a kidney failure. Same with addiction, it chooses you! Sure the first smoke, the first few glasses of alcohol, the first game of poker and the first sniff of drug is all you, you made that choice and decision! Though, as you continue you start craving these things, not by choice, but because your body demands it. If you are addicted, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain which results in mental, physical and behavioral changes.

No Control…

Addiction is when we have no control over our mind and behavior due to a substance or a behavior. You can be an impulsive shopper, impulsive gambler, addicted to video games, food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc.  Addiction occurs to people to due to many reasons. Often it’s said that addiction is due to genetics, FALSE! It can happen to anyone! Usually the reasons are depression, sadness, loneliness, violence, sexual/mental abuse, trauma, influence and an environment surrounded by that substance. For example, if the environment you are in such as work, school or home has drugs in the background then you might be influenced in to using it.

Low Dopamine and Serotonin

Addiction is a coping method for depression. Dopamine is neurotransmitter which controls the reward and pleasure area of your brain. It also controls movement in our body, if we are low in dopamine then we are at risk of getting Parkinson’s disease. Serotonin is a chemical that helps balance your mood. Low Serotonin triggers depression. Low Serotonin also can makes us turn quite suicidal. 

Alcohol, smoking, gaming, gambling, drugs, shopping, and any impulsive behavior provides a short term high. People use these to get away from sadness and despair. They think that it’s giving them happiness and eliminating distress. However, they forget alcohol and drugs are anti-depressant. These substances will provide the short term pleasure of fogginess and they will make you forget for a slight period of time. But then it will all come back making you more depressed, asking for more substance to get rid of it once again.

Alcohol, drug, gambling, sex etc. increases your dopamine, so does eating chocolate and winning the lottery. But in addiction, your body becomes greedy and asks for more and more increase of dopamine. When you consume too much the body adapts and confuses your coping method and wants more of the increased pleasure.

Will Power…

Will power isn’t enough! Remember it’s a chronic disease. If you know someone who is addicted then the first step is making them admit they have an addiction. Most people are in denial because of the stigma that addiction has. They know it’s unhealthy but still continue because they can’t stop. The best way to help these people is by helping them admit they have a problem. Then finding a good rehab center. To recover from addiction, people need supervised medical monitoring. Getting Nicotine, won’t help, it’s just replacing cigarettes to increase your dopamine some other way.

Keep it Healthy!

Dla

 

 

 

Dissatisfaction – Good or Bad?

Hello World,

We all go through it! We go through dissatisfaction numerous times throughout the day. Monday mornings are the worst, right?! If we could get 5 more minutes in Bed! We are all dissatisfied of rolling out of our amazing, comfy, cozy, warm bed and head out for that dreadful work. At lunch, we feel dissatisfaction if the first bite of our food does not taste great. Let’s not even mention the rush hour when we are headed home from work, the weather traffic, the rush, let’s just say it takes a while to get home! Even when we are fast asleep at night, we can be dissatisfied with a discomforting position, we have to alter it right away to get back to our good night sleep. These are conditions we don’t pay a lot of attention to. But dissatisfaction arises in many ranges; the ones we tend to focus on more are larger dissatisfaction if life related to Health, Finance, Relationship and Work.

Chasing Happiness…

Why am I not satisfied? What will make me satisfied? Money, fame, success, goals, the end destination perhaps? The answer is No. You will not be satisfied no matter what height you reach. Yes, money will make you comfortable. The attention you receive from fame will give you a short term high. Reaching your success and goals will bring up the question of what is next?! This is a great question, we are never completely satisfied because we always want to grow and progress.

We are always chasing the, What’s Next? This gives us a greater cause of fulfillment. When things feel stagnant in your life, you are forced to make a change. We set keep setting targets one after the other to reach new altitudes and attain short term satisfactions in our life. Maybe you are stuck at a work where the pay is low, you are over qualified for the position and there is no room for creativity, hence no room for growth. The work environment and people are toxic. What should your next step be? Working towards a change of course!

Now some of people can’t make that change very easily. Mostly because of lack of motivation. But I get it, you have responsibilities. You have a family to take care of and expenses. But you can start to work towards the change, even if it’s a small change. If you are dissatisfied with work, you can get education and coaching to upgrade your skillset to apply for better opportunities. Look for the, what is next? If you are dissatisfied with your appearance then let’s work on a meal plan and fix the diet. Let’s research a workout routine and start working for it.

But sometimes life is just a Beep! We just have unexpected life circumstances that unable us from pursuing our set targets, oh you know, good old family and health issues etc. That means it’s time to pick up a hobby you love, trust me this will help! If one part of your life is full of stress and you balance it out with something you love doing then this will assist the mind and body to release stress and toxins (so would exercise! Hint, Hint). Don’t let negativity build up.

Don’t be Pessimist…

Dissatisfaction is amazing, as it shows you where you don’t want to be and pushes you for growth. But what about the people who are constantly complaining and are doing nothing to change that? Yes, we all know one of those friends who’s constantly complain about what is missing in their life but they would never take a step to alter that situation. Why are they so pessimistic? Because, in today’s day and age we are taught to focus on tomorrow more than today. We are taught, to gain happiness we have to reach the destination and forget about the journey that leads up to it. We are taught unhealthy competition; jealousy over someone who is making more than you. We are taught materialism. Happiness equals to more money and things, more and more things, right?! Wrong! Happiness is not what is happening around you but what is happening inside you. You need to forecast the future but be mindful of the present. Being more aware at this very moment will help you gain a different optimistic perspective. You will learn to become more content with your life and at the same time have the motivation to pursue and push for your goals. Focus on the smaller things in life, you are not aware but those bring you the most happiness. Focus on the journey, it’s important.

Everyone has their own battles and you need to focus on yours. Do not compare yourself with others. Use others as examples of where you want to be and what you want to achieve. Learn from their mistakes and use them as a guide and a mentor. Don’t use them as an excuse to complain about what you lack in life. Complaining slows you down, you are not gaining anything by complaining but sympathy by complaining. Plus you should be authentic, you don’t have to wish to live another person’s “great” life, you can have your own great life and be satisfied.

Let’s utilize our dissatisfaction and not let it go to waste!

Thanks,

Dla

Self Doubt – JUST DO IT!

Hello World,

Past Experiences…

Self doubt stems from what we have learnt about ourselves in the past. What parents tried teaching us when we were growing up always plays a part in our lives one way or the other today. Parents want to be a guide for the best of our future however sometime that very guidance may inflict our present self doubt. As you were younger, you may have been told NOT to pursue to choose a certain path in the future because of the following; you can’t be a fire fighter or a cop that is too dangerous! You can’t pursue to become an artist or writer, you won’t make any money! Don’t waste your time on Medical school, you are just not smart enough!

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero

Too dangerous, not enough money/security and you are just not good enough! These thoughts are manipulative. They come back when we are rejected from something we wanted to achieve. These negative thoughts even stop us from pursuing life goals we want to accomplish because we doubt being adequate. We always want to be a perfect fit, if we don’t fit then we are judged.

We think we are not good enough to live the life we dreamt. Many job seekers, doubt their capabilities and don’t apply to the position they are a perfect match for. Self-doubt prevents us from many opportunities that come our way. It’s always there holding us back. It tells you to live life in the social norm and as a mediocre. But this way of thinking is toxic. How do you know you are not good enough, if you don’t try?!

When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

If you have been rejected, and are letting go of other prospects because you still feel that you aren’t adequate, STOP! Give yourself a bit of time and then assess why you are feeling self doubt. If you feel you are not good at a skill, then let’s put in work to attain that skill. You can’t pass opportunities just because you failed once or twice, remember positive affirmation; Risk – Is it Scarier taking a Risk or Not taking One? … If you are not good at something now, doesn’t mean you won’t get better at it in the future. A kid who is not good at math, doesn’t mean won’t be good later on in time if they have determination.

What you tell yourself is important! If you tell yourself that you won’t make it then you won’t! I believe you, because that’s what you believe. You are setting yourself for failure just by that negativity. But if you think positive, and say, okay well I failed this time but I will learn and get better then that will change things. You are as good as what you believe, so let’s get working!

The Judgemental losers…

They don’t exist in a large number! Yes, they are a few of these judgemental losers who would look at you and say, hmm why are you doing what you are doing! These people are only saying that since they can’t get themselves to pursue their own dreams and they have a lot of time on their hand. Stop worrying about these people! Most people don’t care! They have their own lives to worry about, their own dreams, aspiration, career goals and stress. They are more worried about how to start their day, that month end deadline at work, coming home and cooking dinner and spending time with their loved ones.

Set an example for these people, if they are judging, let them do it! Prove them wrong! You will be more appreciated for trying and trying then to sit back and live the same boring life as everyone else.

How to over come Self -Doubt…

  1. Fix your mindset – You got rejected? So is he, and so is she…we all have. But we don’t give up!
  2. Positive affirmation – You Are MORE than good enough!
  3. When you are feeling self doubt, unwind a bit! Give yourself time to relax and enjoy some quality time. This will give you some to get your thoughts aligned again.
  4. Evaluate why you are feeling self doubt – why do you feel you are not good enough and what can you do to become good?
  5. Write it down! Where is your Journal? Write down, why you are feeling self doubt and the positives steps you will be taking.
  6. Read Motivational articles – You need motivation and their are plenty of people who felt and been where you are. Read how they over came self doubt.
  7. You don’t have to do it alone! Find family and friends to talk about your self doubts. Most of the time we over evaluate and exaggerate the situation in our mind. Our loved ones can bring things back to perspective for us. Don’t worry, they will not judge you!

Remember, you are amazing…

Thank you,

DLA

 

Expectations in Relationships

Hello World,

We have all done it…

Why do we expect a great deal from our loved ones? Why do we expect them to just know what to do or say what we want we want to hear? And what if the roles were reversed? Maybe you always expect a birthday present from your parents. Maybe you expect your romantic partner to read your mind all the time. Maybe you expect your best friend to not be late or make you wait for an event. Yes, we have all done it. We all expected and became upset when our expectations were not met. But is if fair? We are missing a point when we put the “expectation” strain our loved ones.

Goal oriented expectations…

Expectations are good for goals and for us. If we are working towards achieving our goals we should always forecast for the outcome we expect. This will help us create plan A, B, and C to tackle any sort of obstacles we may come across; Adaptability – Your Biggest Competitive Advantage.  Having goal oriented expectations is a tool to prevent failure. For example, I know I am expected to complete a 30 minute abs workout every day to achieve the expected body type I want to achieve. If I fail to work out every day then my expectations are not met.

But when that expectation is on someone else…

You are putting in effort to achieve an expected result, is different from when you expect someone else to fulfil your goals. Having expectations on others  behavior is unfair. We forget that! We are good old emotional human beings after all. We are close to our friend, family and loved ones. We take their love for granted and think, hmm they love me so they must know me so well, therefore I expect them to know exactly what I am expecting from them! High expectations on your loved ones is another word for selfish and toxic. We completely forget that they have emotional and physical limitations. They have their own thinking and perceptions, they might not see a situation as eye to eye.

Some people just like taking and not giving. We are selfish because we expect our loved ones to not expect the same in return. We expect from them but become cold when they expect from us. Perhaps it’s because when the roles are reversed we have limitations too!

Roles Reversed…

Do you want to be dependant on your spouse 80% and expect them to fulfill your share of goals? While you put in 20% in the relationship. That is a pretty unhealthy relationship. First off, you are placing strain on your partner. Second, you are giving away your independence, (never become dependant on anyone!). Third, you telling me that you lack self-esteem and you need someone else to help carry your share of work.

A good relationship is when the partners are working on goals in parallel. They share feedback and are constantly motivating each other but they let each other keep their own identity. They let each other work on their own goals and success. And when the two bring their knowledge, and success together they become a complete power couple! These two are unstoppable!

Until next time…

Dla

 

 

Adaptability – Your Biggest Competitive Advantage

Hello World,

We should all adapt and become more resilient…

In today’s time we all need to be resilient to our current, ever changing environment. Not being able to adapt proves to be a BIG disadvantage in today’s day and age. Everything is changing, whether it be business, technology, relationships, you name it. If we are not keeping up and stopping to accept to change with the time then failure is waiting for us outside our front door!

Comfort Zone, what a sweet place! NOT!

Comfort zone is killer! Comfort zone is not letting you progress! I am telling you, comfort zone is your worst enemy! This is what is exactly stopping us from adapting to change. Come on even dating has changed; I remember some time back when some of you use to complain and say, No! I won’t go on a dating site, it’s for losers!!! Now tell me how many of you have Tinder today? But if you had still kept that same old mentality as you had few years back about getting on a dating app/site, who would be a loser in today’s time?!

Yes, you have to adapt with time. If you were looking to date and thinking, hmm the person will just come knock on my door step, well I have news for you sweetheart, the last Tinder statistics update show estimated 50 million users are just taking their chances and finding a partner while you are sitting at home waiting! You will fail to achieve if you don’t put yourself out there, don’t work it and step out of the comfort zone.

Uncertainty…    

Why is it hard to step out from where we are comfortable? Because yet again, we are afraid of the unknown. Uncertainty scares us. We are good where we are, saves us from being judged, failure and disappointment. But it also stops us from progress. Nowadays, a HR Generalist evaluates your candidacy upon your ability to adapt to the work place. They look for the following,

  • Handling emergencies or crisis situations
  • Handling work stress
  • Solving problems creatively
  • Dealing effectively with unpredictable or changing work situations
  • Learning work tasks, technologies, and procedures
  • Demonstrating interpersonal adaptability
  • Displaying cultural adaptability
  • Demonstrating physically oriented adaptability

In order to master the Adaptability, the skill of being resilient need to be learnt. We have to change our mindset to become more optimistic. If you had a sudden loss of job, what would be your immediate action to that repercussion? An adaptable person, would have a quick Plan A and a Plan B to that unexpected situation. A resilient person, would bounce back right away to put Plan A and B to work. 

Prepare for the worst…

Businesses are always changing and competing with other businesses. Way to sustain in the  ongoing race, businesses use point of sale systems and adaptive data mining applications to collect information to forecast trends. Lightly speaking, Nokia failed to forecast Apples advanced technology innovation. Blockbuster refused to change and adapt to new world of digital on demand television aka Netflix.To adapt and grow, you always have to be on top of the trend.

What to do?

Do your Research, study your market! Think out of the box! Push yourself a little! Be more optimistic and open minded. Set small goals towards the change every day, make sure there is check mark beside them every night. Learn how to forecast, try to predict what might go wrong, and brainstorm Plan A, B and C. Don’t be afraid to fail…

Remember failure is only failure if you didn’t learn anything from it!

Thanks,

DLA

Good Habit’s – Let’s start our 2017

Hello World,

What are some of your resolution this new year?

H0w are you doing so far with your resolutions? Did you end up postponing for the next day? Did you give up after first few days of trying?

Most of us have difficulty following through on our goals and taking it to completion. We plan the goal, yes that part is easy peasy, we are good at setting goals! But we don’t actually write the goal down on paper to keep track and to remind us that THIS needs to GET DONE! Some of us just give up, we have other work, we are too “Busy” or other things seem more important…I have been down that road, I know how resolution setting works. For some it comes down to my first post, Dreaming… (Where to start?)

Let’s pick up some good habit’s and let’s work on our goals today. I believe the one thing trick to keep working on our goals is consistency. People give up and quit for various reasons. We just don’t where or how to start! We didn’t do the research. Let’s get this straight, the idea of the goal seems flawless but can someone else do the research for us?! We don’t like how much over time/hard work this  goal will need. We don’t like work, we want to save time rather than waste it. Hence we don’t have time. We get distracted; our Netflix shows are better than our goals. We don’t know what’s involved. We don’t know the outcome; seems like it won’t work and we won’t get the desired results.

Why don’t we just start?

Seems like we fear the unknown and our “optimistic bias” is making us procrastinate once again. How do we get consistent and stick to our goals then? First of all let’s evaluate this goal. Let’s review the significance of this goal, in my post Simplicity – Rules to Organize, I talk about how to simplify your ideas. Let’s ask the following questions, how long will this goal matter? Can this goal be postponed? If you start to work towards this goal today, what are the outcomes and how will it benefit you? If you get this done today, would you have more time left on your hands tomorrow? The last question is very important. For example, if I automate all my banking transactions today, it saves me time for going in and paying my bills.

After we decide the significance of our goal, we start to practice and we have to practice for it every day. This is just like how a person would study for their GMAT, MCAT, LSAT or any other professional designation. We have to practice for it every day without a gap. This is a ritual, which keeps the consistency flowing. Consistency brings results. We cannot in any circumstance quit because we are not getting instant results. We have to track our progress.

Tracking is very important. Tracking motivates us. We will track our results every day till we reached the destination. The outcome will be fruitful. Let’s stop fearing what the outcome will be, because if we practice and show patience it will be worthwhile.

How can we incorporate practice towards our goals every day in our lives? We have very demanding lives, how can take out time for it? By starting slow. You don’t have to complete your goal in one day. That’s wishful thinking, won’t happen in a day! To achieve we have to put research, knowledge and hard work. Start by forecasting how much time this goal needs, we often over-estimate how much time a project needs to reach it’s completion. For example, to lose certain amount of weight or to achieve a type of body shape, we would need 30 days and we will work-out/practice 30 minutes every day to see the complete result on the 30 day mark. if you are having difficulty forecasting, then put in 15 minutes to start just on research.  Research boost confidence. We have a highly variable neuroplasticity brain, we love to learn and adapt. Knowledge will make us more confident towards our goals.

How do we keep going without losing focus?

Let’s discuss items that get in the way of our goal and serves no importance. Let’s put Social media; Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Television, PS4, Xbox etc. on the side for a bit. There is a time and place for everything but when it comes to our achievements, social media is serving us, it’s distracting us from our purpose. Our goals are our priorities.

The reason we need to practice each day is to get a bit closer to the destination every single day. But I get it, when we do something every day without variation it will eventually get boring. Then we will lose interest. This is when I stress the importance of tracking once again. We need to track to see progress. It’s a mind trick. It’s almost as if we are setting a goal every day, and we are achieving something every day; these are our short term milestones that will lead to our over all goal.

One of my new year resolution was as simple as drinking water every day to improve my over all health, skin and lifestyle. I downloaded a simple app on my phone called Lifesum. It tracks my calorie count to my every day workout. However, the thing that most interested me was the tracking of how much water I intake in a day. The tracking method is genius! It shows that I need to consume 8 glasses a day. Each time I successfully have 8 glasses and track in on the app, it gives me a thumbs up and trophy for achieving my goal. That is recognition. We need recognition to complete our every day boring goals. For example, if you are on diet/workout plan to reach a certain body type, you get one cheat day because you deserve it for your hard work.

What do we have to repeat?   

  1. Evaluate the goal – Is it significant?
  2. Set short term goals
  3. Practice towards it every day (consistency will show result)
  4. Don’t the short term goals become boring and treat yourself!

Remember practice makes perfect!

Dla