Family Obstacles Can Create Anxiety

Hello World,

Has this ever happened to you? Are you career driven but, you live with your family or you have your own family, or you have certain obstacles that just get in the way.

Story time! One of my friends live with her family. It’s a family of five, mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law and my friend. Recenly, my friend, let’s call her Mary… Mary’s brother got married and now Mary has more family members she has to share her interest with. Her mom and dad was hard enough to deal with but, now she has her brothers family. The entire family is a bit conservative and always checks up on Mary when she is out with her frineds or shopping, etc. Think about it, Mary is past 30 and the family still checks up on her to see what she is doing.

Sounds sweet, because, family should always check up on each other but, when the check in’s become interenece that creates a problem.

Mary’s family interference has always stopped her from progessing in life. You will see many people who are successful, move out very early in there life. I am not saying that should be a goal but, if your family is always in your case then maybe it’s a good thing to draw the line between your passion and your family. In Mary’s case, she is not able to move out. She did not get to excel very far in her career because, her family always stopped her from partaking or pursuing her dreams.

From a conservative families perspective, they are just looking over and protecting their daughter. However, parents should realize that needs to stop at a certain age and kids should learn to take control of their own lives and make their own mistakes.

Mary has developed anxiety from this occurance. The pressure of matching up to everyones expectation at home while, supressing her own desires and goals has led her to develop serious depression. Now she has a part time continuing with work for long periods of time. Mary has to take gaps, take mental health days, and ask to become part time in many instance.

This becomes a stoppage in her life where she can’t earn alot of money because, of her mental health challenges.

Now Mary is a relationship where she finds a bit of peace. She feels like she can get away from her problems and the pressure at home. She doesn’t have to meet so much expectations in this relations. Despite what she feels the relationship is clearly not good for her. The boyfriend is also not ambitious, does not have a stable job, and says she doesn’t see them as a long term couple. She’s just with him because, she’s feels more at peace with him and feels that she will be able to change her mind in the future.

Mary’s thinking is blurred now as she has several problems. One, her family has expectations that she feels she needs to meet. Two, she does not know how to make more money with her career or progess towards success. Making more money will atleast help her become independent. Third, she’s in a really toxic relationship.

Any guidance offered by her friends are just becoming overwhelming for her. She is having a hard time processing over load of information. Her friends are telling her to leave her boyfriend as he is just straying her along. Mary is unable to leave the relationship as that’s the only time she gets to disengage from her family. Mary’s family is pressuring her to get married soon, or keep tabs on when she goes out. The family is also upset and scared of her taking the wrong steps which will hurt her even more. Not being able to make more money is getting in the way of her moving out and finding more balance.

When people have problems from all aspects of life, they need to take a step back and realize that they need to take it one step at a time. If there are several big problems and they are all connected then prioritize your issues and break them down.

In order to make money, Mary has to save money. She has to make some sacrifices to cut down on her expesnes. In order for her parents to understand her point of view, she needs them on her team. Instead of pushing them away, create that bond and spend time with them. That way they will at least be open to hearing her out. When Mary understands that there are clear differences between her boyfriend and her, she should count her losses and just let him go. This all sounds easy from an outside perspective but it’s hard for the victim to comprehend and process.

If you are ever in a situation where you have several problems at once. Do one thing, work on your mindset. Keep your calm and know that everything will turn around. Tackle your problems one by one.

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Stagnant – Stuck – Anxiety – What it Takes to Improve Your Situation

Hello World,

What does it really take to look past your “stuck” situation right now? It takes experience of going through it a couple of times and then saying, okay I take ownership of my situation!

Acceptance is our keyword for today’s topic. It takes acceptances to move on or keep moving from any tough situation. It’s all perspective at the end of the day. You can see your current situation as glass half full or glass half empty. As in you can make your situation bad or worst.

I get it though, when you are in the situation where the entire environment is super negative, it’s hard to think positively. Mainly when anything you do leads to none of your goals. You start putting yourself down and telling yourself that you are just not good enough!

Yes, I go through that too! When there is too much pressure of work or let’s say I just take on too much to prove I am “good enough”… perfect example of jumbling my thoughts, and taking on too much than I can chew. That’s when anxiety hits.

What to do in those situations? Accept… accept that it will all end one day, and just like the person next to you, there will be an end to you. That means, there is no reason to hold on to these negative thoughts, all you can do is keep pushing and moving forward. Your situation will change eventually if you put in the work to make those small changes.

We make a mistake of always focussing on the end goal! However, life is simple. It’s about making smaller changes in your life to get those end results.

For example, I see a software engineer or a product manager making a certain amount of money and living an easy lifestyle. I can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hope that I am a software engineer / product manager. I need to make those changes / put in sacrifices to get to that level to achieve that lifestyle. There will be many road blocks! Many, many, many road blocks — the main point is, take breaks, but don’t stop!

You don’t see results right away, at least I haven’t but, 10 years later, you will look back and think that struggle was required!

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Negative Comments / Feedback Bring You Down?

Hello World,

Honestly, I don’t want to sound like, “I can handle it all!”… I am human. It does bother me. Negative feedback / criticism is impacts me. I think about it, I get anxiety from it. Something I can’t control…

But, what do you do when anxiety hits from a feedback or negative comment? What questions pop into your mind?

You step away from it…

Sustainability! Yes, for me it’s sustainability! Confidence is great! I have a lot of it but, can sometimes someone elses feedback can throw you off. That’s when you start feeling are you good enough?! So how do you shake that are you, “good enough” off? Take a hot shower, completely distract yourself and do something else that you love doing. Take a walk, paint, sing, go do an activity that you love doing. Come back and reflect!

Then come back and start working on the task that you are not so good at! Yes, people will have opinions, feedbacks, their perspective! Take it in, destress, and come back to the given task.

I couldn’t change my anxiety so over time I made any feedback that got to me a little, my strength! I started working towards it. I always try to out perform. Taking on the chanllenge has led me to become more stronger without even knowing it!

So just step away for a bit! de-clutter and come back to it and complete your task while, trying to get better at it!

Thanks for the love guys! I really love the support!

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What is Required in a Good Partner?

Hello World,

First of all you need to be a good partner to yourself. Yes, you need to be content with where you stand in life. You need to at least know your plans and goals. Don’t be a pushover and lost. If you don’t have it figured which, most of us have not… try to plan and know what you want.

Many people who are always lost and lack initiative would tell you, yes but, everyone is lost, you just don’t know what will come your way next. That is true, but at the same time, you need to know what you like and don’t and stay true to your values.

Right off the bat, good money sense! You don’t want someone who doesn’t know what they are doing with their money. You don’t want someone drowning in debt, you don’t want someone who is not saving! Also, you don’t want someone who doesn’t have a retirement fund.

Trust/Understanding. You need to find a best frined in the partner. They need to understand your drive and purpose. Again going back to my first point, you have to have drive and purpose. You have to keep on working on yourself. Growth is the key to life.

Understanding comes from open communication. Don’t be afraid to have deep conversation so you both can learn more about each other on an intellectual and emotional level. This will allow both of you to keep yourself honest.

I feel those are the core for a good partner. Obviously, there are more things to add per your own personal preference.

Thank you,

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