Has this ever happened to you? Are you career driven but, you live with your family or you have your own family, or you have certain obstacles that just get in the way.
Story time! One of my friends live with her family. It’s a family of five, mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law and my friend. Recenly, my friend, let’s call her Mary… Mary’s brother got married and now Mary has more family members she has to share her interest with. Her mom and dad was hard enough to deal with but, now she has her brothers family. The entire family is a bit conservative and always checks up on Mary when she is out with her frineds or shopping, etc. Think about it, Mary is past 30 and the family still checks up on her to see what she is doing.
Sounds sweet, because, family should always check up on each other but, when the check in’s become interenece that creates a problem.
Mary’s family interference has always stopped her from progessing in life. You will see many people who are successful, move out very early in there life. I am not saying that should be a goal but, if your family is always in your case then maybe it’s a good thing to draw the line between your passion and your family. In Mary’s case, she is not able to move out. She did not get to excel very far in her career because, her family always stopped her from partaking or pursuing her dreams.
From a conservative families perspective, they are just looking over and protecting their daughter. However, parents should realize that needs to stop at a certain age and kids should learn to take control of their own lives and make their own mistakes.
Mary has developed anxiety from this occurance. The pressure of matching up to everyones expectation at home while, supressing her own desires and goals has led her to develop serious depression. Now she has a part time continuing with work for long periods of time. Mary has to take gaps, take mental health days, and ask to become part time in many instance.
This becomes a stoppage in her life where she can’t earn alot of money because, of her mental health challenges.
Now Mary is a relationship where she finds a bit of peace. She feels like she can get away from her problems and the pressure at home. She doesn’t have to meet so much expectations in this relations. Despite what she feels the relationship is clearly not good for her. The boyfriend is also not ambitious, does not have a stable job, and says she doesn’t see them as a long term couple. She’s just with him because, she’s feels more at peace with him and feels that she will be able to change her mind in the future.
Mary’s thinking is blurred now as she has several problems. One, her family has expectations that she feels she needs to meet. Two, she does not know how to make more money with her career or progess towards success. Making more money will atleast help her become independent. Third, she’s in a really toxic relationship.
Any guidance offered by her friends are just becoming overwhelming for her. She is having a hard time processing over load of information. Her friends are telling her to leave her boyfriend as he is just straying her along. Mary is unable to leave the relationship as that’s the only time she gets to disengage from her family. Mary’s family is pressuring her to get married soon, or keep tabs on when she goes out. The family is also upset and scared of her taking the wrong steps which will hurt her even more. Not being able to make more money is getting in the way of her moving out and finding more balance.
When people have problems from all aspects of life, they need to take a step back and realize that they need to take it one step at a time. If there are several big problems and they are all connected then prioritize your issues and break them down.
In order to make money, Mary has to save money. She has to make some sacrifices to cut down on her expesnes. In order for her parents to understand her point of view, she needs them on her team. Instead of pushing them away, create that bond and spend time with them. That way they will at least be open to hearing her out. When Mary understands that there are clear differences between her boyfriend and her, she should count her losses and just let him go. This all sounds easy from an outside perspective but it’s hard for the victim to comprehend and process.
If you are ever in a situation where you have several problems at once. Do one thing, work on your mindset. Keep your calm and know that everything will turn around. Tackle your problems one by one.
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